"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
