You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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