If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
