Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
