Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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