Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
