I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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