would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
foreskin is a definite game changer
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
