Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
