the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
