I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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