PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
