How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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