u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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