the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
