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i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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