I want you more than these girls want KFC
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
