I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
