how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
