So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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