ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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