i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We left the knife in your bed.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
