i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
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The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
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