i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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