True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
