My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
