u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
