Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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