he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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