Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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