You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
