I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
