only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
