life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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