...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize