I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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