any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
