Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
