The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
