I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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