Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
