if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
