State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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