omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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