Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
