You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
