Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
