Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
