I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize