I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
