Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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