im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
