I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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