I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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