He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
