I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
